Deer Momm & Dda,
I know its been a long time sence I rote too you. Emiy took awae my pencels and paper after she caugt me writeing to the department of Child servises wanting help. I only have a craon to write with now so thats why this looks weyrd.
Thank you for sending me the pakage of fuud to Walmart. I cant have it at home becase emiy does not lik when I eet Twinkys and slim jms. She maks me eet mor salsa and I don’t lik her salsa becauce it tastes lik feat. I shared som of the potatoe chips wit Booby and litle dna and they sed it was the best fuud they ever eetin. I keep the bocks in my loker at work. ha ha emiy!!
I am taking ecxtra clases at skool to help with my speling. Don’t tell Emiy. She thinks I am ok in writing and sed that if she catkches me workin in my work book she wil not mak me hot pokets any more. I reely lik hot pokets but I don lik Emiys a lot. The onez from the stor taste beter than hers.
litle dna is doin beter. He doesn’t sleepe as much and he is going to the pottee beter. Emiy doesn’t let him ware his pull on pants to bed and I am woried that he maks pee pe in the night but she sed its okay because it dryes okay. I am not shur. He stoped talking in a axecent. We thgought it was a funee joke but Emiy didn’t think it was funnee. But I thought if he did it she mieght tak him to doktor but she sed it wasn’t that bad so we stoped the axcent. I don’t know how to git him to the doktor because Emiy won’t let me drive the car agin. She sed it good for me to walk to work. I git reely dizzee because I don’t eet a lot.
All Emiy doez is write on enternets. She yells at compooter a lot and sasys no one understandse her. I trie to tell her to be nice lik I am on my blogg but she says it okay and that I am half of a whit. It maks me sad when she says that because I am trying to be very smart and good all the time but if I don’t agree with her she wont let me have anything but keefur water to drink. I don’t like keefur watyer. Can you send Montain due nesxt time?
I red about sumiisssion in bibel and I think Emiy needs to do whut I tell hur but she sed I am wrong. I talked to paster and he sed I am wright. I am vurry scared to tell her this bevcauce she sed if I sed that again she would git rid of Brad and he is my onlee frend. I am not alowed to talk to paster agin when I told her he sed I am the hed of the house. She doesn’t let me talk on phone or anything.
If I git to be hed of house I am going to:
Tak babees to dokter and mak shure they are okay.
Teake babees to teeth dokter and make shure they use flosses on teeth
Git rid of Keefur water (terese is dum name)
By lots of fruts lik bananas, orannges, greapes, strawbrees
No moure tube meet. We will eet leen meets.
I will by boxs of spagetti and no more gloodles
We will use ovin to mak breads
We will have otmeel agin
No rice magots with tales
We will give boys hour rroom.
I want boyz to have matreesses
Can you send me some monee so I can tak classes for speling and writing? I want boys to have good lifee and I love them. Or just call the peeple who tak care of childern and tell them to mak Emiy stop.
Luv,
Dna
P.S. send ho-hoes, mop and soap. House dirtee.
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I just read the email on FJ. Wow. I got off the Emily crazy train when she was considering dropping the kids' health insurance and started just going back to the site for the drama--though every now and then she did come up with a good tip.
ReplyDeleteNo more.
I can't believe she would deny her baby a wonderful, clean, warm, ORGANIC mattress. I'd love to have my little one sleeping on one of those...as it is, however, he is in a warm and safe crib, albeit on a regular crib mattress.
She has gone from being laughable to appalling. Those poor children.
emily thanks giz for the box and is going to sell the mattress on craigslist! She's beyond proud and willful--bitch needs a psych eval. Here's emily's email to giz "thanking" her for the mattress. Also, as you can see, she had already made up her mind about idea # 3 so she was lying to her voters about using the idea that got the most votes:
ReplyDeleteGizmola, We recieved the mattress today. I helped the boys turn the box into a tunnel and they're having a great time. Thanks for that. It's a crib mattress and with redoing the boys room we want to move up to the next bed size, so it will go onto Craigslist. I wanted to tell you myself before one of your cronies told you for me. Whatever money we get from it will go into making that nifty bunkbed in entry #3, so thank you.
EmilyUnder $1000 Per Month
I can't believe that a fundie lists the Office as one of her favorite shows. However, I do bet that she fantasizes about Dwight and rolling around in the beets with him. Wouldn't they make a perfect couple? Self-riteous, arrogant, delusional, know-it-all, conspiracy theory believing--perfect!
ReplyDeleteCouldn't you just hear Dwight extolling the virtues of tube meat and having kids sleep on dog beds?
Giz, I feel terrible for you that she is such an ungrateful twit. Only Emily would be more thankful for a f*cking cardborad box than for an organic crib matress.
ReplyDeleteThe whole reason for her 'contest' was to garner more clicks. She had no intention of allowing anyone to decide what to do with the Room of Horrors. Hopefully her faithful ass kissers will see how deceptive and manipulative she is now. I'm sure she will have a very 'valid' reason for choosing number 3 though.
What a Bitch.
Emily just made it easy, with about 2 mouse clicks, to determine what high school she attended.Just wiki her former teacher who competed on Survivor.
ReplyDeleteHer math skills are questionable, if she thinks that 30 minutes of TV per day for Daniel equals 2 hours per week. She amended it by defining a week as days Dna works, but she is still off by 30 minutes assuming he works 5 days per week.
It also makes no sense to Craigslist the organic mattress from Gizmola. That was pure spitefulness on her part, at the expense of her little boys.
Her technique for managing "requests" from Dna and Daniel seems to be ignoring them until they just give up or forget. I would guess they are both frequently distracted by gnawing hunger pangs.
salsa taste like feet..ROTFL!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that one of emily's other frugal fundie readers would froth at the mouth to be given the organic mattress that was so graciously sent to her. Why doesn't emily give it to someone who could really use it instead of making money off of someone else's generosity? If she's really too spiteful to use the mattress for the benefit of her children, she should at least consider donating it to a shelter or a home that takes in foster children. For her to make money off of that mattress is just greedy and evil.
ReplyDeleteIf Emily doesn't intend to use the mattress she should have refused delivery so it could have been returned and refunded to the sender. If she intends to sell it she better send that money directly to Gizmola.
ReplyDeleteMy theory is that she will be using it somehow, but wants to slap Gizmola in the face with that comment. What a rude and ungrateful woman.
What a bitch.
ReplyDeleteAnd....why can't she use the crib mattress in the crib, for Thomas? I'm sure it's better then what she has in there, and he won't be sleeping on the new bed being as he is so small.
Meg,
ReplyDeleteShe won't use the new organic crib mattress for Thomas because it's too good for him. She'd rather sell it to save up and buy the shipping container she's talked about them living in and dragging around the country from one hardsrabble place to another. She romanticizes the life of the Joad family as something to aspire to.
The mattress is good enough for some other parent who is willing to spend money on a new organic mattress for their beloved child, but too good for Thomas.
Nice huh?
Wait, what the fuck??? Why didn't she refuse delivery??!?!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDon't be upset on my account. I didn't expect her to refuse delivery and I really didn't expect nor believed that she should give me the money. I sent it as a gift and as such it truly is hers to do with what she wishes.
ReplyDeleteGizmola, you are a gracious person. And this parody by Dna made me laugh but also brought tears to my eyes. I believe you've brought me over to Team Dan!
ReplyDeleteI really feel for Dan. Or, as I write with a warm smile, Dna. I think he is probably a very sincere and kind man who is a little shy and probably not very social adept. And Emily got her controlling claws into him and basically runs the show. I remember Twitter posts of his a long time ago that read "Marriage is chaos." Or even, once, "Fuck." I don't think he completely agrees with Emily's fruitloopy shit but is too busy with work and school to be able to do much. True, he is still the boys' father and needs to stand up to her for their well being no matter what. I just feel that his heart is probably in the right place. His blog post about the boys was sweet whereas Emily only speaks in terms of what they do for her (tumble the Wonderwash, roll out gloodle dough, crack eggs) and never about who they are or why she loves them.
ReplyDeleteSo that's why I'm on Team Dna all the way!
I agree with the others that she should have refused delivery if she did not want it at all. She did after all know it was a crib mattress. Dna could have brought back a box from work for their tunnel anyway.
ReplyDeleteI started reading her blog for the laughs but now it is becoming nothing but drama and stupidity.
Nevertheless, it was very nice of you Giz to try to help.
Giz-I feel the same way about Dna too..seeing what's happening over the last few months, it looks like Dna was probably forced into getting married! :)
ReplyDeleteI sort of feel sorry for DNA BUT one of the reasons I think many men become fundies is because of the carte blanche they are given to use and abuse their families by their mis-interpretation of the bible.
ReplyDeleteMen who just love Jesus don't become fundies--men who want to control and to isolate do.
Don't forget, DNA has some pretty weird ideas--remember the Christmas tree and the turkey? I think Emily would have liked a tree and I KNOW she would have taken the turkey. In both cases, Dan wouldn't let her. By not providing well for his family, and living marginally, Dan is isolating his family from the world and has plans to increase that isolation--living in a truck? Think those kids are going to have many friends? Think Dan and Emily will be welcomed in communities as they travel?
I can't stand Emily but I think some of the way she acts IS because she is with DNA. I think Emily bristles at her confinement and takes it out on anyone beside DNA that disagrees with her. She HAS to make it seem like her PLAN so that it doesn't seem so hideous.
Giz, did you ask Emily why she said this...
ReplyDelete"Emily said...
Gizmola, we did not get any mattress, but if you sent it, I'm sure it will arrive shortly. If it's organic, we'll use it. I was a little concerned that we'd be getting like seven mattresses or something, but I'm sure you have it all organized so we won't. Where did you get it for $40? Yes, the light is fixed, and I said I cut off the bottom shelf above the crib."
Why would she say she was going to use it, and then turn around and sell it?
Actually, Christmas tree was Emily's estranged brother, who went super religious, and stopped talking to ALL his family, except, apparently, Emily. Figures. HE emailed Dan about Christmas trees, and Dan decided to hop the bandwagon. Still Dna's fault a little, but it originally came from Emi-genes. Also, figures.
ReplyDeleteGizmola, That's complete crap that she thanked you FOR THE BOX and not for the mattress. And she's selling it?? She's utterly amazing. She should at least donate it to someone who would appreciate it - by selling it, she gets to make money off your kindness. Not cool, Emily, not cool at all.
ReplyDeleteHas anyone found the mattress on Craigslist yet?
Giz, did you ever send twinkies to Dan at work? :)
Under1000, I didn't ask her because I figure that she'd just have something snippy to say, if she said anything at all. I think the only reason she thanked me in an email was to prevent a round of "she didn't even thank Giz for the mattress" even though, honestly, I'd not have mentioned it if I hadn't been asked about it. I didn't even mention when I knew it had been delivered. She did email promptly, so that is good manners.
ReplyDeleteI haven't sent poor Dna a box of junk food yet but only because I've been crazy busy lately. I will have more time next week so I will try to get some junk food together and mailed off so he has something to enjoy besides insanity.
Giz, but she didn't thank you for the mattress (as you stated). She was very careful in her wording: she thanked you for the box. But then again, we always knew she was a passive-aggressive tool.
ReplyDeleteCraigslist post:
ReplyDeleteWilling to trade: 1 organic crib mattress for a Star Trek Snuggie
Apropos of nothing...I am amazed when I read that Dna was eating a pack of hot dogs a day when he met Em (or when they got married - whatev.) Why would she tell people that? If I were shacking up with a dude who had a massive wiener fetish (and I am referring to the animal meat, not meat as in "boner") I would not tell a soul and would worry it was some sort of character flaw.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I am not a huge fan of Dan's because he's also to blame for the baby in a coma (baby in a coma/I know I know/It's really serious) lamp hanging in the shower, towering bins and surely some of the other asinine insanity that goes on in their hovel. WHY DOESN'T HE DO SOMETHING? Why doesn't he stand up for his dear boys?
We're all quick to jump on Emily for safety transgressions, why isn't Dan treated with the same disgust and horror?
I'm just saying, if Dna were the mother everyone would be damning him for inaction and would be full of disbelief because he didn't stand up to his partner for the sake of the kids.
Culpability - Dna can has some along with a tube meat cheeseburger.
Sadly, Dna is not adept at expressing himself in written form so I don't think we really get his side of the story in the way we understand Emily (or as well as any rational being is ever capable of understanding that beast.) I don't know Dna's whole story, I don't know how much of the insanity occurs while he's away at work or skool - I do know that when he comes home at night he needs to bear some of the responsibility for making sure his children are clean, fed and getting into a bed with sheets and blankets that have had a proper washing every so often. It doesn't seem like he's doing that, and there isn't any excuse for it save for faulty mental function. When he sees one of his babies sleeping on a mattress wet with new and terribly old urine, he needs to put his foot down and tell his wife to smarten the hell up. You know, LIKE HE DID OVER THE CHRISTMAS TREE. If you can lay down the law about a friggin' tree, you can draft some household laws that prevent your children from sleeping on a drafty, dusty floor.
Sorry - Dna does not get a pass from me. Not at all.
Is there a place to read Big Dna's tweets without actually following him on Twitter? I'm so curious, but I don't have an account.
ReplyDeleteEMILY IS A CUNT BASKET AND IF SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE HER SON'S A NICE, CLEAN, AND SAFE MATTRESS SHE SHOULD OF JUST REFUSED DELIVERY.
ReplyDeleteSHE IS A PIECE OF SHIT AND NEEDS A SWIFT KICK IN HER LARGE ASS TO WAKE HER UP.
OMG... should not have read this or last several posts here after major abdominal surgery. I'm trying not to laugh, but I may have to ask you to send me a couple of replacement surgical staples - I'd go pay for them, but dang it, I just spent $1500.00 on new mattresses for us and our son. I'm just not that good at folding blankets.
ReplyDelete- MsKay
I actually sent her a comment saying her husband was cute and she was nothing more than a plain jane ,on drugs and should be in psychiatric hospital.Did she have any plans in place in case her DH got sick of her and decided to go with someone better looking ?Her blog went down after a few hrs ! Coincidence ??
ReplyDelete