6:00am – waak up. Emiy tiping on computa.
6:30am – Emiy maks me brush teeth. Tooth fall out. Emiy says it okaay.
7:00am – et brekfist. I wante wafls. Emiy maaks turkee sasag. I git one pattee. Hungre.
7:30am – emiy heps me put on cloths. Tiyng shos iz hard.
8:00am – wrk. Cleen flors.
10:00am – Jo gvs me pice of gum. So hungree.
12:00pm – lnch. Emiy paked lnch. Too tortiias with pink salassa and tabespooon meat.Hungree.
3:00pm – go to skool. Leern abbot Jessus. I tink Jessus not as good as Spocck.
5:00pm – go home. Git lost. Whre is Emiy?
7:00pm – find home. Home smells bad.Hungree
7:30pm – eet dinner. I don’t lik piza from crokpot. I get one slise. Hungree.
8:00pm – wnt to wach Star Trek. Emiy says haff to read bible. Jessus boring.
8:30pm – have secs with Emiy. I don’t lik smel of lemin. Yuck. She kepes makng me eet mints.
9:00pm – Emiy makes me go to bed. She won’t let me wear Spock eers to sleep. Emiy meen.
12:00am – Chekk make shur Emiy asleep. Eet frozin apels, drink Tereese, finde tomatoe undur couch and eet it. Eet boul water and furmintd flower. Eet cheez from cockpit. Suc lemin in bathrum. Drink ketchup.
2:00am – Emiy gos to bathruum and catches me lickin crums from flor. Sed I can’t ware Spck eers four too weeks. I hate hur.
(disclaimer: written before I became Team Dan)
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LOL.....I tink Jessus not as good as Spocck.
ReplyDeleteHilarious...I'm dying...
I HEART Team Dan
ReplyDeleteLMOA!
ReplyDeletelmao..."i hate hur"...me too Dan....Me too!
ReplyDeleteDan is reading here, LOL!!
ReplyDeleteHe tweeted "go to skool. Leern abbot Jessus. I tink Jessus not as good as Spocck."
I have read this before and still have tears streaming down my face from laughing. OMG!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG, I'm dyin' - you guys are killing me. Every time I see "hungree", it makes me just want to lose it again!
ReplyDeleteAustin
poor dan. i think i'm joining team dan now. he must be hungry for real. men need to eat. and he's working hard and going to school. doing his part.
ReplyDeleteit makes me sad to think that a grown man is starving because of his wife's weird food obsessions and control.
i wonder if his coworkers and classmates give him snacks? or if he ever has some pocket money to buy his own?
if food is sent and gets to emily, she won't give it to dan or the boys.
we need to send care packages to dan through some other address!
i'm finally going to stop the flip-flopping in my mind (trying to give emily the benefit of the doubt).
"Suc lemin in bathrum." that was funny. Poor dan. :( sucking on E's deodorant.
ReplyDeleteThe 12:00 am entry had me ROLLING.
ReplyDeleteBecause he tweeted that I am Team Dna. HE has a sense of humor. I'm pulling for him. He needs to kick the crazy to the curb, grab the boys and run. Go Dan!!!
ReplyDeleteIf I worked with or went to school with Dan, I would always give him a snack. Who wouldn't take pity on him after seeing the lunches Emily packs for him?
ReplyDeleteOMG i'm peeing my pants..you guys are too funny!!!
ReplyDeleteI wanna follow Dan on Twitter. How do I find him?
ReplyDeleteToo freakin' funny! My husband poked his head in the room to see what the hell I was laughing at. Love it!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work!!!!
DRINK TEREESE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ReplyDeleteThis is the best thing ever. I'm discovering this blog a little late, but it's the best thing ever.
ReplyDelete