A Parody of Sheer Brilliance on Cooking with Emily By Scales

The following paraody is perfect for today's Emily blog post. At the end of this parody, you can get Emily's ice cream recipe, you can see why she'd be upset that Maine didn't get a lot of snow this year. Great job scales, you nailed her tone right down so well that when I first started reading this, I thought it was an actual Emily post.

As some of you may already know, Big Dan’s hours have been cut at Wal Mart. As a result of the cut in hours, we will now be relying almost completely on my blog income. At first, I panicked, but then I realized that this would give us a chance to truly live on under $1000 a month, and then I realized that this was really a good thing for us. Some people have criticized me and this blog because our income has recently risen. I have always made it clear that our frugal lifestyle enables us to live on less than $1000 per month, and that even if our income increases well beyond that, we are well able to live on a lesser amount and save any extra income.

I have already posted about the income my blog produces, but I must plan for a reduction in that income because someone keeps stealing my blog postings and putting them on another website. Which I shall not be naming here. I have already contacted higher authorities in this matter and I am assured that prompt action will be taken.

In anticipation of a temporary reduction in income, however, I have been planning new recipes. Some other cooks feel the need to create recipes with more than two or three ingredients. We find this is excessive. Our bodies are designed to digest only two or three ingredients at most. Our bowels function best when we eat only one type of food for a day. Also, recipe books are an unnecessary expense, and although some people claim to need them, a good cook and keeper of the house will find that she can create nourishing meals without resorting to the outside interference of a recipe book.

Here are our new favorite most frugal recipes:

Tomato Soup (Cost per serving $0) :
12 packets of ketchup – You can obtain these for free at any local fast food type restaurant.
2 cups cold water

Simply stir the ingredients together. No need to heat. I could use hot water from the tap for free, as my landlord pays for utilities and water, but I am saving money overall by using cold water. I do leave my own portion out to set at room temperature because I prefer it that way, but Dan and the boys eat their portions cold from the tap and they are fine. For portability, I thought that Dan could sometimes carry several packets of ketchup to work and mix his own soup while there. However that was wrong. It is my duty as the woman and the wife to prepare nourishing meals. If Dan were to mix his own soup, I would not be properly caring for him.

Variations:
Mexican Soup (Cost per serving $0):
Use packets of Mild hot sauce from Taco Bell in place of ketchup.

Spicy Creamy Yellow Soup:Use 6 packets of mayonnaise and 6 packets of mustard in place of ketchup.

*I have to add here that since posting this entry I have gotten many negative comments from readers who think that I should be serving the soup piping hot. Piping hot soup may be fine in households where mothers do not care about safety, but I believe that I should do all I can to ensure the safety of Dan and my boys. Piping hot soup would be a danger to each of them, and I will not tolerate that. Also, I have recently read Raw Food Nourishing Heritage, and I learned that cooking food destroys vital enzymes that are needed. All food should be consumed as close to room temperature as possible, or colder.

Ice Cream (Cost per serving $0.003)

I am only able to make this during Maine winters, but we are satisfied that ice cream is a seasonal treat and we do not feel the need to consume it year round.

12 small plastic cups of half and half (available free at any fast food restaurant)
3 cups of snow from outside
Three drops of stevia

Scoop the snow into bowls. Pour four small cups onto each scoop. Use one drop of stevia per small cup. Dan and I eat one cup each, while the boys share the third cup. I could obtain sugar for free at the same time I obtain the half and half, but I feel that stevia is more nourishing for my family.