Ask Aunt Fundie Friday

Editor's Note: Since Aunt Fundie will be attending a three day revival this weekend she asked me to post this on Thursday. She hopes that all her gentle readers will have a blessed weekend while she spends her weekend in prayer, growing closer to the Lord and showing off her new headcovering. God Bless! 

Dear Aunt Fundie,


My father has been approached by a young man wishing to enter into courtship with me. I have been a dutiful stay at home daughter for all of my nineteen years and I am ready to be a wife and a mother, as God has intended. I am, however, worried about this courtship as I’ve read of other Godly young ladies who have been courted, only to see it end badly. What tips can you give me for making sure he is the one God has for me?


Signed,
Eager in Edgarstown

Dear EIE,


First of all, congratulations on your possible courtship! How wonderful it is that your parents have not fallen in step with the evils of the secular world that preaches freedom and independence for young women such as yourself. I’m so glad they have steered you towards a Biblical method of finding a spouse. Most importantly, listen to what your father says about this young man. He knows better than you how God is guiding your life and your future happiness. You cannot go wrong in putting yourself under your father’s authority and proceeding forward as he sees fit. Secondly, I’d pay close attention to the behavior of this young man when in your presence. Many a Godly young man in appearance will show themselves to be nothing but a wolf in sheep’s clothing in due time. Does he try to hold your hand and therefore spoil your purity? Does he encourage you to speak your mind, thereby insinuating that he would not be a strong head of the household and your spiritual leader? Young men should be on the path of becoming Command Men who are dominant and expect their wives to wait on them hand and foot, who never yields to a wife’s complaints or thoughts, who expects their wives to be loyal, faithful and obedient. If your young man does not exhibit these tendencies to complete dominate you until you have no recognizable sense of self, then you need to pray that this courtship doesn’t proceed.

Dear Aunt Fundie,

I was not always blessed to be a card carrying fundie. I was once a daughter of the world. I smoke, drank, wore pants, spoke my mind, had pre-marital sex, defied my parents, considered myself equal to a man, had a career and was an unabashed atheist. Now that God has touched my heart and put me back on my true path as a woman who seeks only to fulfill her Biblical duty to marry and have children, be a keeper at home and a cheerful help meet, allowing her precious womb to be opened only by God’s loving hands, I find it hard to find a man who will overlook my past impurities and see me for the loving daughter of Christ I am now. How can I get them to see beyond my past to see the real me?


Signed,
Lonely in Laredo
Dear LIL,


You are spoiled goods now. No Christ loving man will want his sacred baby making tool of power near your soiled and dying lady flower. Your womb is not a place of innocent beauty but now a wreckage of dishonor. A woman’s worth is only determined by the status of their hymen. You’ll most definitely burn in hell. Have a sunshine day!



Aunt Fundie,


I am a 25 year old stay at home mom with a wealth of experience, knowledge, wisdom and intelligence. In fact, I’m something of an internet celebrity and sensation. I’m withholding my name due to privacy reasons as there are people who are out to get me. But you know who I am. You probably read me religiously in order to learn how to cook, keep house and properly mother your children. My point is this – I am a perfect submissive wife and loving mother yet I keep feeling drawn back to the career I had before I gave birth. I look back and wonder what heights I could’ve climbed if I had continued with my very important work.


Signed,
Melancholy in Maine

Dear MIM,


You need to ignore these feelings as they are just drawing attention away from your role as mother and help meet. Yes, there are women with barren wombs and evil hearts who are called to be doctors, lawyers, teachers, researchers, artists, writers and world leaders. Of course, we know they are really dead and empty inside, just like their shriveled up wombs. Bask in the knowledge that by cooking nutritious meals from scratch, homeschooling your children and serving your husband, you are the one really making a difference. Sure, women in science might cure cancer but to do so they are forgoing their true calling from God and any sense of pride they have is diminished by their sense of loss and broken hearts at not having a multitude of children. Further, women who work emasculate their husbands. By earning money outside the home women tell their earthly kings that they aren’t providing well enough for their families. By working as a doctor or a teacher a woman is showing their daughters a terrible, unbiblical example. How are little girls to grow up and know their place behind men if mom is in a position of authority over men in the workplace? And if little girls grow up feeling empowered then they will demand education, a worldly education that will take them out from under the protection of their fathers, into the world where they most likely will become prostitutes and drug addicts.