Wackadoodle Theories

This is actually not a parody today. This is highlighting some of Emily’s best wackadoodle theories on life. These are not lies but instead are things she’s written on her blog or her comments. These are my favorites in no particular order (but with random bolding for fun)
Doctors are conspiring with the pharmaceutical companies and have a vested interest in diagnosing illnesses.

According to Emily, doctors want you to be sick. They want to pump you full of drugs and are trained to look for illness. Nevermind that doctors actually take an oath to heal, she knows better. She even stated that she has had experiences where doctors have made mistakes and when she says going to the doctor is a matter of life or death she implied that in her experience going to the doctor could result in death. She uses these theories to justify not taking her children to the doctor for yearly physicals.

Brushing your teeth is enough dental care.

How anyone can see poor Dan’s teeth and think that brushing is sufficient is beyond me. It’s very clear that dental care is more than a Cars toothbrush with Dollar Tree toothpaste on it. Some have pointed out that her children may be too young to see the dentist. But even when they grow I doubt that routine visits are in her budget or intentions. Flossing, checking on how children’s teeth are coming in are important. But Emily knows better, as always.

Mattresses cause illness.

Honestly, I had never heard this before it popped up on her blog. So the theory is that mattresses, especially crib mattresses release toxic gas? I have a hard time believing that there’s enough toxic gas coming off of mattresses to put her child in a coma. If that were true don’t you think there would be federal investigations and regulations on mattresses? Did I miss something in the news? Plus, I think having your child sleep on a urine stained mattress under a crib next to a heating vent on a dusty floor in the middle of a Maine winter with no cover, no sheet and barely a blanket might be worse than the miniscule gases that might be released.

Government Nutritional Information

She doesn’t trust FDA nutritional information, the food pyramid specifically. Sure, there’s room for deviation. Not everyone eats according to the pyramid. Depending on your health needs (diabetes, Crohn’s disease, gluten problems) it might not be possible. However, she takes it to the extreme, claiming that food producers sponsor that pyramid so it can’t be trusted. And she uses that to justify feeding her children a high-fat, low-carb diet. Forget heart disease – we need to stay away from the tiny bit of phytic acid in oats!! Fill ‘em up with lard but stay away from corn on the cob.

Tube Meat

This is my favorite bit of insanity. She worries about phytic acid in oats. She worries about the quality of bowel movements from “crap” cookies at RMH. She makes baking powder (or soda) because of GMO but she feeds them tube meat. Rolls of meat. Cylinders of meat. Meat in a plastic casing. Whatever in God’s name she wants to call it. The fact remains that even her staunchest supporters have pointed out the hypocrisy of worrying about a teaspoon of sugar on oatmeal or GMO in baking powder but feeding her children the lowest possible quality of meat. Especially since they do NOT have to eat that much meat. There’s no reason they can’t cut down on meat consumption so they have less meat but a higher quality. She could look into finding game meat, go in on buying half of butchered grassfed beef. She could eliminate a lot of the meat and add beans and rice and other vegetarian options for protein. Instead, she clings to the tube meat like a fat kid clinging to cake. (or Dan clinging to a forbidden Twinkie)

Junk Food

I’m not defending junk food as good food. I’m sure most Americans would be healthier without the Super Sized McDonald’s meals, bags of Cheetos, Cheez Whiz, ice cream, candy bars and the like. But she takes it the extreme, as usual. Dan has to ask for it and she usually hopes he forgets about it. No sense of moderation. Food should be enjoyable. If Dan (or the kids) wants to have a bowl of ice cream, a candy bar or some potato chips once in a while it’s not the end all of nutritional health. On a personal note, I’m on a diet and eating much better than I used to. And yet still sometimes I treat myself to a small bag of Cheetos or some ice cream. Because I enjoy it. Like most things she writes, there’s a lack of joy about food and family.

Emily runs across a random statement in her “research” and runs with it. “GMOs are bad” = no GMOs. “Sugar is bad” = no sugar. Those are easily changed. They require little work on her part. Don’t buy the GMO food and use stevia. Done. But when it requires real research, real work on her part, eg. eliminating tube meat and getting protein through creative vegetarian means – well, that’s not in her PLAN. Which basically means, she doesn’t know how to cook lentil and barley soup, etc. Deviating from her plan would require change, knowledge and skills on her part. Things she doesn’t have. A mattress cover, sheets and real blankets equals more time on the Wonderwash or possibly going to a Laundromat every time Daniel has a nighttime accident.

Emily seems to go through life like a spoiled child with only half the information. A teenager who KNOWS what she’s doing even in the face of adults telling her she doesn’t. The only time she’s taken advice was when she absolutely could not get anyone on her side, i.e. the shelving, the Rubbermaid totes, the bathroom light. If she doesn’t get the validation she seeks she clams up.

I worry about the next crackpot theory she works up: fresh air has pollution so therefore the children should never go outside, no more fruit because fruit flies may have deposited eggs on it, pillows are bad because once a child got smothered under a pillow, shoes are bad because they mold children’s feet, heat is bad because it produces asthma.

I will point and laugh but I’ll also feel so sorry for her children.