FAQ Friday By Gizmola

Why is Dan so Stupid?

First of all, my husband is not stupid. He is the smartest man I know. He can talk about many different topics and he writes all the time. He also does pastoring at churches sometimes. Some people have said that he is stupid because of what they read on his blog and his Twitter account. But here's why I think he's brilliant:

1. He can write his name.
How can someone be called stupid if they can write their own name? Sure, sometimes he misspells it "dna" and lately I've heard Daniel explain to him that "it's D - A - N, Daddy."

2. He loves politics
Sure, he can't spell politics, but he talks about them a lot. I'm too busy with the lacto-fermenting and crockpot action to pay attention to the candidates, but he's always jumping up and down in front of the computer screaming, "That's Sarah Patin!! She gots boobies!!" so I know he keeps abreast of our nation's leaders.

3. He is very knowledgable about the Bible
He can quote the Bible front and back and he always has his "Little Learners First Reader Bible With Pictures" with him. He used to color Jesus in purple but now knows that Jesus's beard was brown. That's because he studies and learns and grows.

4. He loves Star Trek
And Star Trek is awesome! Only stupid people don't like Star Trek! My mom likes Star Wars so that tells you why I don't talk to the materialistic b*tch.

5. He is a valued employee at Wal-Mart
He couldn't keep his job as a janitor unless he was smart. Sure, twice he's caused the store to be evacuated because he mixed amonia and bleach, but that can happen to anyone. Any time there is a really big spill or an overflowing toilet they call Dan because they know he's smart enough to use the mop (well, ever since they put the "this end goes on floor" sticker on it)

6. He's in college
You can't be dumb and be in college. His college is very small so he gets a lot of attention from his professors. I haven't ever gotten a note home telling me that he's not doing good. He gets "A's" all the time. The only thing they ever send is a notice stating that they want tuition payment.

7. My mother hates him
And we all know she's a materialistic, evil, godless wench who ruined my life by giving me fresh vegetables, fruits, lean meats, a big, warm home, a room of my own, new clothes and proper shoes, took me to the doctor and the dentist and made me use deordorant and shampoo. I hate her!! I'll show her!! B*tch

8. He knows when to be silent
He's learned that if he starts crying about being hungry I will tell him he's being ungrateful and will take away his kefir soda and pasty hot pockets. So he's a fast learner. Now he just sits in the corner and rocks back and forth while I lacto-ferment ice cubes.

I'm very blessed to be under his authority!